are you still at the devil's house?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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