puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
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