Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
