i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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