Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
