Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Randomize
