And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
