if only i could text you this smell
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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