Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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