just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
