How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
