we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
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