I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Randomize
