I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
