I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
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