similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
