I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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