we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
