if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
