tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
