His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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