smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
