Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
I AM VODKA MAN
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
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