Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
