also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
