Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize
