OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
