: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I stole a fireplace last night.
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
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