I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize