well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Hippo gnu deer
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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