Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
So many bounce houses so little time
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
