One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
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