I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
