Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Randomize
