is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
