franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
