this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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