it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
