I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
