break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
