Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
