I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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