I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
Randomize
