these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
