What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize