I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
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