I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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