I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
I CAN MOONWALK!
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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