Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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