why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
