He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
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He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
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IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
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