Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
Life is so much better after having sex.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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