just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
