omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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