my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
