A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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