I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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