Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
