you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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