you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
