the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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