I murdered the dance floor call the cops
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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