i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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