Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
