the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
