We're facebook friends in real life
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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