Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
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